The past couple weeks, I’ve been sporadic in my meditation and gratitude practice. It’s usually something I try to do regularly.
I feel the impacts of when it’s been awhile. There’s an underlying fluster and distractibility that’s more pronounced. I’m more easily overwhelmed and susceptible to the desire of wanting to do a little bit of everything that often results in nothing of significance being done.
It’s remarkable how difficult it is to pause when the flurry begins.
Even though I know clearing my mind will help, resisting busyness is hard.
The busyness makes us feel like we’re at least doing something, that we’re taking steps to overcome the feeling. The best and worst part about busyness is sometimes it works. Sometimes we’re able to make enough progress forward that we (temporarily) feel okay.
Yesterday, I made a chunk of progress on a case study for some consulting work. It was around midnight and even though my brain power was starting to slide, I kept on going. I ended up making enough progress for the day that I felt good about what I’d accomplished.
But then there’s tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new challenge for making even more progress. Tomorrow is a continuation of not feeling good enough unless you’ve accomplished a certain, nebulous amount for the day.
While the drive to do more can have positive impacts, it can easily become unbalanced with self-criticism and a sense of unworthiness.
In many ways, I’m still finding a balance between maintaining steady progress and feeling okay with where we are in the journey. It’s a hard balance to strike, but resisting busyness while embracing the present is definitely easier when I’m more consistent with my practice.
With daily practice, I’m more centered.
I’m more focused in what I feel is important for the day. I spend less time worrying about things I have no control over. I still have my bad days, but they are far fewer and less in intensity.
We’ll be driving up to the upper peninsula of Michigan tomorrow to spend the weekend with family. I’m looking forward to relaxing, spending time with loved ones and recentering myself around the practices that provide the foundation I need.